The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
