Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
