im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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