im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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