If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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