8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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