So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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