alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
