I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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