Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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