I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
