If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
