Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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