i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
