i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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