Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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