with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
