you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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