coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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