I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize