Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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