Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
