i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
