he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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