yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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