let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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