well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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