Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
