Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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