last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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