Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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