from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
