I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
