Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
