when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This baby is an asshole
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
