she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
