dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
