Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
