Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
