i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All the doctor said was why
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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