i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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