There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
