I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
