can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
