If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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