You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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