Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
