What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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