You're my little dorito
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
