Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
