Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We talked him into tasing himself.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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