That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
