Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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