Fuck appropriateness.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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