9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
