I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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