Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
