Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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