How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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