whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
