My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My dick has a subreddit
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
