When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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