They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
