ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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