Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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