this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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